My mother in law and I have never gotten along, and I doubt we ever will be friends.  So how do I tell her that there’s no way I would ever give up Christmas with my family, and take my son away from his father’s family for the holidays to spend it with her and her daughter’s family thousands of miles away?

When Russ and I met back in 2000, his mother banned me from her house, which make it awkward for us to date as he was living with her.  He didn’t have a vehicle, so I had to pick him for us to go anywhere together, which in itself was hard enough because I worked two jobs, had my son to take care of and lived over 30 miles away, not to mention other obligations.  Anyway, the old wench would stand on her front porch and yell nasty things at me while I sat in my car and waited for him, I would crank up the stereo and disturb the whole neighborhood so I didn’t have to listen to her.  I also knew it irritated the neighbors and made them call her to complain, that was just a bonus for me!

Then after we had been dating for six months or so, she kicked him out of her house.  She was hoping that he would head south with a friend of his whom was moving to the Carolinas to find work.  Instead he moved in with me.  She was livid!  She then tried every trick in the book to get him to move home with her, she even had herself admitted to the mental health ward of the local hospital, but he didn’t move home, he stayed with me.

Over the next year she proceeded to try and make my life miserable.  But much to her dismay, the rest of her family actually liked me.  I had worked with a bunch of her nieces and nephews over the years, and had been the accountant for her brother-in-law’s business for a few years prior.  She hated it that they accepted me!  Her older sister would call and invite Russ and I to all the family events, as his mother would never invite me, only him.  We went, basically to annoy his mother, or at least that was my reason, he may have gone to actually see his family, I don’t really know.  And we no longer discuss the topic as it usually leads to unneeded arguments.

At one of these events, Russ’s sister “warned me off”.  She pretty much told me to stay away from her brother and the rest of her family.  Their mother had obviously gotten to the sister, as this was the first time I had met her.  Did I care?  Not much, at the time it amused me greatly, of course it was at a wedding that she did it and I was quite tipsy.  I laughed at her and went back to my drinking with his cousin.

They tried for well over a year to make me miserable enough to discard Russ and move on with my life.  The more they tried, the more determined I became to stick around, I think.  Sometimes I wonder if we really would have stayed together if his family and I had actually gotten along.  Maybe in their haste to get rid of me, they actually made me come to love him instead?

Then I got pregnant and suddenly the old hag wanted to be my best friend.  Yeah right?  For almost two years she and her daughter did everything she could to get rid of me, even to the point of being mean to my son.  I wasn’t having it!  I didn’t want her anywhere near me or my son, let alone the new baby.

When our daughter came along, my mother-in-law wanted to call a truce.  I let her call a truce, it didn’t mean I had to abide by it.  She saw our daughter maybe twice before she was six months old.  The last family party (her family) we went to was when my daughter was six months old, as soon as we got out of our car the old witch came over and grabbed the baby out of my arms and took off.  I was livid!  We then sat down at a table with his aunt and uncle (the ones I had been the accountant for) and they were the only ones who talked to us the whole time.  I don’t think I had ever seen Russ so angry, and buying drugs at his own family.

We stayed 45 mins, then grabbed the baby and left.  We never went to another of their family get togethers.

When our daughter was nine months, we got married.  We had the ceremony in the small church beside our house.  We wanted it to be a small gathering, so we invited only local friends cialis soft tablets and family.  His sister lived in Kentucky at the time, and thus we didn’t send her an invitation.  Duh… she wasn’t local!  To me this was and still is logical – but his mother and sister never really saw my point of view I don’t think.

This created all kinds of problems.  First off, his family is from three towns over and didn’t know my area well, they were pissed that they had to drive out this far for our wedding.  I simply told anyone who called me to complain that if they wanted to bitch, then they should just stay home, as it didn’t matter to us if they were there or not.

His sister and her family flew home the week before the wedding for a visit.  They hadn’t let us know they were coming home or anything.  She called on the day they arrived and wanted us to drive out to his mother’s house to see her.  I simply said that I wasn’t allowed in his mother’s house, so I wasn’t going.  But either way, it was the night we were having our rehearsal, and all that goes along with it.  My best friend was in from eastern PA, and after the rehearsal we were having our bachelor/bachelorette parties.  His sister tried to invite herself to mine.  His mother tried to force him to make me invite her.

She had never spoken a nice word to me in the three years that I had known her, yet she wanted to be at my bachelorette party?  No freaking way!  It would have ruined my night!  And I told her that, in exactly those terms.  (No, I’ve never been known for my tact, I tell it how it is and don’t try to sugar coat it.  But at least I’m honest, which is more than I can say about his mother and sister.)

She wasn’t too happy after that, and her family decided to go home early and miss the wedding.  That was fine with me, I really didn’t want them there to begin with, having to deal with his mother was enough with out her daughter there backing her up and driving me crazy too.

The wedding went fine.  I stuck with my friends, he stuck to me.

For months afterward, his sister and her husband would call and/or email all kinds of nasty messages aimed at me.  His mother joined in too!

He quit talking to them altogether.  I can’t say that I blame him.

Years went by and it wasn’t a problem anymore.  His family ignored me and I pretended they didn’t exist.  He didn’t even talk to his sister for years, and only talked to his mother when she called every six months to complain to him about never getting to see her granddaughter.  He told her she started the whole mess, so now she had to live with it.

Then we split up.  We were apart for almost two years, when we decided to give it another try.  Now I’m back to having to deal with the bull again.

We called a truce basically.  His sister apologized repeatedly and blamed the whole mess on her husband (now her ex-husband), saying that it was him who started it all, not her.  I can’t say that I really believe her, but I just don’t have the time and or energy to hate her anymore.  I only feel indifference towards her.

Now his mother is another story, but I try to be nice, and then I complain about her to anyone who will listen!  I also try to avoid her as much as possible, that’s why I can’t imagine wasting all the time and money to go to his sister’s house for a week for Christmas – ever!

For me it would be a week in the enemy camp, and they out number us greatly!  His sister and her boyfriend have six kids between the two of them, and the boyfriend’s mother lives with them – that’s 9, plus his mother would make 10.  My family is tiny, just Ruse, me and the two kids.  14 people in a house, yeah right!  I’d rather spend the holidays sleeping in my car!  But I don’t have to…  As we have our own house, far far away from his sister where we can have our own holiday celebrations, and actually enjoy them.

Yeah, sometimes I just need to vent about my in-laws…  Don’t we all?