My older sister called very early this morning, and asked if I could keep her youngest daughter, while she took her other daughter to the dentist, and then to buy a backpack. It’ll just be for a little bit, she claimed.
Five hours later, she still hasn’t shown up.
It turns out that our younger sister had gone with her and they had gone on a full blown shopping trip, not just to the dentist.
I consider that inconsiderate at the least, a flat out lie at the worst.
They both know that I’m not a “stay at home mom”, but a work generic cialis cheap from home mom. I put in nearly 60 hours every week, plus have a part time job with the township. Yet, my older sister, whom works 2 days a week, thinks nothing of dumping her kids on me, with no notice, and she’s never back when she says she’s going to be.
It’s not that I mind keeping the girls, especially her youngest, who’s a little angel for me, it’s that I’m tired of being lied to and inconvenienced repeatedly. It’s been to the point before, that I’ve had to take her children with me to meetings with clients and such, because she failed to pick them up on time.
What would you do in a situation like this?
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Well, what’s the phrase? “JUST SAY NO!” You know she’s unreliable and inconsiderate, so don’t allow yourself to be put in that position. I know it’s easy for me to say, but just try it and really mean it. Explain why. Perhaps after a time or two of refusing, when you do say yes, she might respect the favour you are doing. And if not, then just say no!
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The worst part is that usually she doesn’t call me herself, she has her youngest daughter call and ask, which makes me feel horrible, because instead of asking if I can watch them, she asks if they can come play with my daughter.
I’d let her know that next time there’s no reason to lie about how long they would be gone…just tell you the truth so you can plan better.
However I am one that doesn’t like confrontations so I probably wouldn’t say anything.
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I did tell her that when she finally showed up to pick her daughter up (which she did rather quickly after I called her cell phone and asked her if the dentist had decided to pull all of her other daughter’s teeth instead of just cleaning them. I’m also like that, I don’t like confrontations, especially with my family, as I’m just the last few years getting along with them again, for a long time I didn’t even speak to them, despite the fact that I live less than a mile away.
If they were my sisters I will tell them to go get a baby sitter instead…
Seriously…I know it is a difficult situation. It’s never too easy to confront your own family. But if you think they’re really being obtuse and not being upfront about it – asking you to take care of kids for 2 hours and ending up picking them after 6 hours instead – then you should tell them in a calm and reasonable voice that the next time they ask favors you will not entertain them anymore.
Learn to say NO.
OR. Charge her for every hour that you lose. Say it will cost you $20 per hour to take care of her kids then tell your sister you’ll charge her the opportunity cost because you need to earn a living and having kids to attend to can get in the way of that.
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I actually thought about handing her a bill for my time, just like I would a client, but I chickened out before she got here. Which is kind of funny, because back when I was a single mom, I had to pay her to keep my son while I worked.
WOW…that is not very nice. Did they at least bring you something from the mall?
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Nope, not even lunch, and that’s where they were at when I finally called her “to see if something was wrong”.
The old saying you can’t be taken advantage of it you don’t allow it. Sadly, I think you’re allowing it.
When she asks, say I can’t; I’m working today. Why don’t you book your appointment on your day off. And leave it at that, make the conversation short, and to the point.
Can’t I’m working today, maybe you can book your appointment on your day off. Gotta go, got lots to do. Bye In truth, you don’t owe her an explanation. And yes she is very rude and inconsiderate; but she’s gotten away with it over and over again.
And the 2nd sister, the one who just drops the kids off is also taking advantage of you; but again…you’re allowing it. You need to take control of your own time. When she drops them off next time, don’t invite her in. Greet her at the door, and say virtually the same thing. Or sorry I’m just ready to sit down to work, can’t visit right now. Give me a call next time. Or sorry I’m on my way out can’t visit right now, or can’t babysit right now…give me a call next time; I’ve got a lot going on.
Good luck, practice if you have to saying the words out loud in front of the mirror. Remember it’s your house, you don’t have to allow the to be in control.
Sandy
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I know I allow it, but it seems to go through cycles. We have a big argument and have it out about this crap, we don’t talk for a few weeks, then our father gets involved and things are good for a while, then she starts slacking off again and pulling the same old stunts… ugh…
And…I think I go one step further. When you do sit for one of them next time…after they called ahead, you should repeat the time back to them. You need to say if they say a couple of hours, pinpoint it. So it’s 10 now, you’ll be back before lunch right? I can’t give you more time than that. And…if she’s not back by the agreed upon time call her and say, hey…you need to come pick up your kids your time’s up. I’ve got to get to work.
Treat your work day at home just as you would if you were leaving the house to go elsewhere to work.
Sandy
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I am also a WAHM who understands this type of situation. Only in my case it’s friends who call and drop by to chat for hours, thinking I have nothing else to do cause I’m home all day and completely lack a social life (never mind that I’m working/studying/parenting/prepping to start a business). Never mind my guy thinking I should be done working by the time he is home from work.
It’s gotten a little better, but only because I’ve learned to become quicker to say ‘I love that you’ve stopped by, but I’m swamped (then ramble off every little thing I have to accomplish that day)…let’s chat later on when I’ve toned down my to-do list’. They get it a little more now. And my guy gets it that I need more help in the evenings when he’s home.
It’s never tough working for a dream…maintaining time management is the toughest part, I think. Set a stronger boundary with your sister and/or asking her to take over babysitting for you sometimes to give you a break too could be a way to go. Sisters helping sisters shouldn’t be a one way street and, from one WAHM to another, it could help you get more done in a day when you’re not jumping up every hour for feedings or whatever.
Hope you find something that works for you!
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I did have that problem with my best friend and her three hour telephone calls while she commuted between jobs, but I think I’ve finally gotten her to understand that unless she calls me in the evening, I can only give her ten minutes or so per call, of course some days she still does call three times and want her full ten minutes each time…
I would set the terms and conditions, if she rings you and asks if you can babysit, i would say, yes, not now, but i can pencil you in for tomorrow 2p.m – 4 p.m at which point I have to go out.
I have asked repeatedly for at least a days notice, but lately she just seems to forget about that part.